things that keep me up at night... not defined, really.

I think the things that keep me up at night, sometimes pool into a consistence of nothing but anger. I'm angry with myself, for sure. I've made so many just outright wrong decisions in my life. If I had taken many other pathways, I would be just fine right now. I didn't though. I'm stubborn. Sometimes, I truly think that I make a decision purely based on the fact that is wrong. That is the only way I can make sense out of all the bad choices, anyways. I build up this front, this front that is such a paradox of what I actually am. It's as if I am "girl no one can hurt" by day and "girl who hates every fiber of her being" by night. I don't say this to seem like I have nothing but disdain for myself, because that is not true. I take pride in my opinions and intelligence; and I think if people take the time to understand me, they won't be disappointed. It's just not worth it, sometimes... for some people... Maybe I should just get on sleep pill by night and caffeine pill by morning regimen, at least until I learn to deal with the things that worry me at night.