Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if you could say anything you wanted to someone and they didn't get mad or frustrated with you?
Wouldn't it be nice if you were the only one in the world that had a mouth to speak with, after all you are the only one with enough intelligence to be entitled to that?
Wouldn't it be nice if you could snap your fingers every time you wanted or though y ou might want anything.... and someone would appear and take care of it for you?
Wouldn't it be nice if all you had to do in a relationship is show up and you're loved and wanted and revolved around?
Wouldn't it be nice to be able to do anything you wanted whenever you wanted with no regards to what you promise other ppl... but yet they always follow through w/ what they say they might have the time to do?
WOULDN'T it be nice if you could control the entire fucking universe?

Yeah, mike.... I'm sure it would be NICE.. I'm sure you could handle all those things. I hate to break it to you, but you ARE the one with the "balls" in the relationship. So if you feel that something has to be doen, DO IT. You are so f ucking ridiculous sometimes. I can't stand all this whining about not being happy. It's fucking stupid. Don't sit around and whine about it. Move the fuck on. The only time I'm not content is when I have to listen to you WHINE every fucking day about me not being who you want me to be. GET OVER IT. Learn that if y ou want something done, you s hould ask if the person will do it.... Not ask WHY they haven't. Like I'm supposed to read your fucking mind. You know what would be nice, mike? To not have to l ive everyday feeling like I'm an insufficient person. The sole f acts that I'm 21 and haven't spent one day in college, my relationship w/ my parents sucks, I work 60-70 hours a w eek and am still broke, my relationship God sucks, and I h ave time for no one in my life (including myself).... make me feel like a failure.... thank y ou for adding something to the list. Thank you for making me feel worse a bout myself every day..... Thank you, mike.... now kindly just stop doing that? thanks... that would be cool

GRR, happy new year! I think most of my days in 2005 were spent with me feeling the s ame way I do right now. So fucking frustrated! I think I feel a bit better now though. HA

Supporting Slavery?

I'm feeling quite disturbed about the bag of hershey's in my room.

I was glancing at my magazine today where I came across an article that didn't have to do w/ animal advocacy, but human advocacy. (I'm halfway quoting this b/c I'm tired and lazy, and they dont' care if I do!) The vast majority of cocoa comes from small farms, mostly in financially poor areas of the global south, where children clear fields with machetes and apply dangerous pesticides. They have no idea what chocolate tastes like. Some of them are clearly enslaved. Some children work 80 to 100 hours a week, and an expose done by the British Brodacasting Company showed some of them with heavily scarred backs from beating with whips and switches. This documentary entitled "Slavery: a Global Investigation" aired five years ago. It reported that children were being bought from their parents in Mali Burkina Faso, and Togo for a nominal price then shipped to the Ivory Coast and sold to cocoa farms.

The plight of the children caught the attention of Senator Tom Harkin, a Democrat from Iowa, and Representative Eliot Engel, a Democrat from New York. In 2001, after reading shocking media reports Engel proposed a federal system to certify and label qualified cocoa products as slave-free. Mars, Hershey's, Nestle, and other majory chocolate manufactures would not qualify. Four years later, Harken and Engel admit that the plan to eliminate slavery has failed.

To see this article, visit Friends of Animals. And if don't want to support the slave industry, there are still some chocolate companies you can know aren't partaking. Fair Trade has put their stamp of approval on some small companies, such as, Chocolate Decadence and Paul Newman which are both sold at Ukrops.

Just Because

I'm so excited! I'm off for the next few days. Well, until tuesday, I think. Going to West Virginia again for the holidays. I'll finally get to see my dad side of the family since I got there too late to see them on Thanksgiving (thanksgiving... bad memories... trying to block them out). I'm pretty excited, but mostly overwhelmed. I've been so busy lately and I haven't had time to do half of the things I need to do. I have pretty much no clean clothing and our dryer is broke so I was going to go the laundry mat, but I don't think I have time now. Sooooo. yeah.
Hm, don't know if I'm exchanging gifts with mike or not tonight.... if so I need to go wrap his.
Well, I should run. Didn't really have time to be on here in the first place.

Merry Christmas!
and have a safe and happy holiday ;)

Just sitting here wondering why Mike has made no attempt to call me... :( I'm bored. I guess I should go get some rest. I'm starting Christmas shopping tommorow. Not that I'm off. I just work 12-6:30 though so that gives me some before and after t ime to do some shopping. don't know what I'm getting anyone.... suggestion would be great. Well, I think I'm gonna go watch tv w/ my sis and her hubby now. Yay! there in town.

Blaaaahhh....

So, I should post and tell all about this huge fight I had w/ my dad. I just don't feel like going into details. What it boils down to....
He exploded at me when I was leaving for my normal saturday night w/ mike. Something I've been doing for like.... almost a year, every weekend. He called me a whore. He told me I wasn't saved. He said that I use the house as a hotel. I never want to be around him or my mom. I don't speak to him. I'll tell everyone else things about me and not him. He asked me if I wanted to go speak to the pastor. He told me to leave and never come back. He wouldn't let me leave. After a half an hour... he finally let me go.
Don't think I d idn't have my hateful comments back. I told him I hated being around him... and so forth. Made him shut up for about a half a minute when I told him he was the only one that ever made me take a knife to myself.... a half a minute. Not much of a shocker. I thought it w ould be a big deal. He just told me I wans't saved. As if, someone who has a relationship w/ God can't be pushed to depression. If only they knew the horrible things I did when I w as younger. Thank God I'm stronger than that know. I left, thinking I wouldn't ever come back... but reality always sinks in. I d on't want to have to deprive myself of luxuries so that I can have my own place. I know I will sink myself into a hole I can't get out of. So here I am.... hoping that I can just avoid him... I know my mom doesn't hold grudges.... but he always bottles things up and explodes at me.... I can't wait till I push him for the next explosion...

Someone please stop the snow...

It's snowing outside... accumulating. Let's go build a snow man..... okay.... no, let's not b/c I hate the snow... haha.
Life has been moving on. Mike and I have talked. Spent most of the day yesterday sleeping with him. I always feel so content in his arms.
Yesterday was a pretty good day. Mike's dad yelling at us..... shoney's..... I felt like crap from the night before, but slept it off w/ mike. Called out of work. Went to evening church. Went out to eat w/ one of my new bestest friends. She's awesome. Her boyfriend came to eat w/ us.... but left to make some sort of scene. Nice to know that I'm not the only one that deals w/ public drama. Then we went back and I got to see these cute lil baby pups that they adopted to give to her sis for Christmas. It was a good day.
Actually, Saturday was a good night w/ Mike. Italian dinner .... quiet coffee shop... hole in the wall bar.... byrd theatre.... drunk boyfriend.... deep sleep.... "fun and games."
I'm pretty content right now.

Post 101

It's saturday night and I've worked 9-5 today. I always sleep at mike's on saturday nights.... not s ure if I should be putting clothes into my bag right now or not. I'm so at a loss of emotions with this. There comes some point where your brain just stops letting you open up to get hurt. I don't know if I'm even going to see mike tonight. He called me at work today so I suppose that means we will be meeting up soon. I told him I wanted to have a talk. I just hope what's really on my mind.... what's been in the back of my mind for so long.... will have a chance to be heard. I hope we don't end up hanging out w/ his friends or m y friends and then going home and passing out. All together, what I'm really hoping for is some change. Drastic isn't needed.... just change in general. Straightner should be heated up soon.... so I guess I'll go get ready for my night. I'm thinking tonight will be a good night, at least that's what I keep telling myself to believe. We shall see.

I hate myself.... and I mean that in the truest form of attention seeking.

The one thing that always stuck in my mind when we first met was that you noticed a hurting side of me no one else had ever seen. It was always out there for people to see, but no one wanted to admit it first to themselves and then second address me about it. You would have done anything so that I wouldn't hurt myself. You barely knew me then....
Now, you've learned so much about me and grown so close...
You know that you shouldn't leave me in a house by myself when I'm this upset.
You know that I didn't want you to leave. You told me that.
I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing here.
I tell myself day after day t hat I've recovered.... but what form of recovery can only exist when others are around?
I guess I'll be sleeping in my car outside your house again.... I just can't stay here.
Too many angry thoughts cover this house.
I just wanted to be close to you tonight.... but then again, I wanted it to be exactly what I had in mind.
We're both stubborn. Difference is, I'm psychotic.
Now I realize it didn't HAVE to be my way.
I just wanted it to be my way for once.... for one time.
No one can or has ever made me so mad that I threw a foot rest (saying foot rest b/c I have no fucking clue how to spell what its really called, haha).
I don't think anyone has made me so mad that I couldn't contain myself. Maybe my father... but no, I think I've always felt in control of those arguments.
Right now, I just don't know what to do.
Maybe you'll peek out your window at me.... I hope it doesn't get down to freezing tonight.... this is going to suck.

Bitter Blood -- Recipe of Ruin

Empty House

I just got off from hectic Ukrop's a little bit ago. It was fun.... day before thanksgiving.... grocery store.... well, I'm sure you can imagine. I'm exhausted.... sinking into depression b/c of the cold, or maybe it's just that time of the month. All I know is that there isn't much I want to do. I don't feel well, and leaving the house requires walking in the bitter cold to my car. I heard it is snowing in west virginia, which is where I'm going tommorow for thanksgiving. Looking forward to seeing family, not looking forward to seeing any white fluffy stuff. My parents are already in west virginia so I get the house tonight.... minus them and plus mike. You would think t hat w ould put me in an ecstaticly happy mood; and, don't get me wrong, I'm excited to see him. I just don't feel like doing much. Thought about inviting a friend over to pass the time before he c an get here.... but haven't done anything else but think about it. Was supposed to be helping a friend move right now..... but decided to do laundry and sit around instead.
Well, Happy Thanksgiving everyone.... be safe.

I don't think i've been

I don't think i've been online in a while. I won't get a chance to for a while. Just sitting in church trying to stay awake. I don't know how i'm going to work until after midnight. I have a lot of hours this week. Sucks. . .

Recurring thoughts

I'm feeling exactly how I did when I posted this over a year ago.

Sunday Morning

Sunday mornings never actually go by plan. Most I don't even have a plan. I slept in my car outside mike's house last night. I wasn't welcomed inside.... I drove all over richmond last night... playing the game of avoid-hitting-wasted-lil-people.... for about an hour..... then I drove back to his house, found out I wasn't welcomed and made myself c omfortable in my car. It was odd... but I don't feel liek going into detail.
I should be showering for church. I actually should of been doing that about 20 minutes ago when I got home... but I'm still sitting here....
So, I definitely can tell who posts a comment even if you don't leave your name. I'm good like that. I just wanted to let everyone know. Don't try to be sneaky..... b/c I'm watching you. hahaha. Okay, not trying to scare you. Just letting you know.... b/c you could get on here and post something really mean.... and think I won't know it's you, but then I'll have to come kill y ou with your girlfriend's red shoes.


I found this in my car, amongst the two bags full of trash.... and a large amount of shoes, clothes, lady bug wings, and other such junk.... thought I would post it. don't even remember when I wrote it. I guess a few months ago. Maybe longer. I d on't think it has a title. I apparantly wasn't in a good mood..... what's new.

A loss of words that is ever so overcoming:
A piercing stab to the heart that is numbing.
Look at the crimson blood that will not stop its flooding.
Feel this hatred of the heart; see that it is budding.
Searching b/c I need a different hiding place,
Not being able to stand my horridly scarred face,
Always questioning my personal value and rights,
Not knowing how to stop all our long nights of fights.
Laying awake in the mid of solitary darkness,
Wondering if my emotions could be a sickness,
Waking up just to confirm my angry solitude,
Hatred for the feeling that continues to ensue,
Dreaming that the the future loneliness will come quickly,
Slumbering late to avoid how life makes me sickly,
Knowing that i will be the only person to blame-
The only person to blame for this tortured life claim.
Making myself to be my one and only sinful savior,
All that is needed is a slight change in behavior.
So watch me now as I try to rehabilitate.
You'll see, keep watching, some day, I promise, I'll meet my fate.
For now, just keep tearing my pathetic life apart.
When you're ready, I hope you've left a piece of my heart.

This better work this time

Sometimes I get really mad at blogger.com. Lot's of cool features to my blog.... but it makes me very very angry when I spend a good 5 minutes typing up something and then it doesn't post. I c ould be doing better things then sitting on my butt in front of my computer.
I'm waiting for my sweetie t o come over a nd change my oil.... i t's later than I expected him (as always). I should be showering or cooking h is dinner... or something productive but.... yeah, I'm not. Just playing free cell.... losing, uncharacteristically (I think I made up that word.... way t oo many syllables).
Yeah, I've had some psycho moments r ecently. Mike and I definitely had a huge fight monday night. He said pretty much the worst thing he could possibly say to me. I hurt him physically pretty much the worst I could.... actually, it was the w orse. I was hitting him like he was my attacker. I d on't know what really stopped me.... maybe when I realized he wasn't going to let me leave and it was pointless to hit him... or maybe when I saw that I had made him bleed. Nonetheless, our arguments seem to get w orse.... but t he making up is getting sweeter. I'm not sure if that's a good thing. I think t hat they should just stop. I hate being the couple at every party/get together that is fighting. Monday night.... both of us had been slightly intoxicated, but this argument w as much later after we had been sobered up. Can't blame the alcohol on our psychotic behaivor. It's so weird how we can be so abusive and then the next day doing everything possible for each other. *sigh* well.. it's getting late... I should do something productive

ERV

I've had a frustrating night.
Mike is being so annoying. He's hung up on some thing where he thinks that I'm turning into a lesbian.... or whatever he thinks. I don't know what is going through that boy's head. It's just plain annoying me. I can't stand not being able to answer someone and they just believe you. Simply answer the question and move on with the day. That's my thought on it.....
Then, there's the fact that the stupid verizon website is down and won't let me make a payment.... I have enough shit to worry about.... I don't really feel l ke dealing with the stupid thing not working. I need to pay my bill right now.... otherwise it won't get done.
arggh arrghhh arg. :
let's go back in time for a story that might put me in a better mood (not likely)
So, Mike and I got in this huge argument last wednesday night... and i was so fucking upset that night. He's never made me so frustrated and depressed, like that time.... I remember when I used to get like that. For a while, I was so in control of the situation. Painful situation.... okay, deal with it. Abuse yourself in some form and move on. As if, pain followed by pain numbs it all. I think I lost you guys at this point. Being so vague... don't like that people I know irl (besides mike) could run across this. Would rather not have to deal with ppl grabbing my arm to look at my wrist and shit like that. I'm just fucking psychotic to the point where I don't always control myself. I think I'm mostly driven to that state late at night.... in my room.... no where to go. I can't go out for a drive or anything like that b/c m y parents will think I'm leaving for good and a ll that..... but yeah, I never got to t he good part of the story.... The morning after he showed up at my house.... drove all the way out here to knock on my window and take the time to work things out... and he was sweet and understanding. It's like.... we can't find that happy.... but not overdone medium. Anyways, it went downhill last night and is continuing to go down... I just hope we don't have to hit rock bottom again. I'm sick of the bruises it leaves.....

Anchovies, anyone?

I just want to send out a warning that I'm mad at anyone who knew.... and didn't tell me.... that anchovies were in caesar dressing! That is disgusting! My boss (who's a vegetarian, as well) told me that today.... I've been feeling sick since. Just to think.... how many caesar salads I've had.... ug, it makes me want to hurl. I know you think I'm over reacting.... but.... come on?!?! You have to understand somewhat... Little animals.... I don't eat flesh. Okay.... no more talk of this.... but that's gross!

Anyways, Life is moving on. I'm tired and sick. I hate it when it gets all cold outside.... I dont' feel like I warm up until summer comes back. I'm going to be in a constant state of cold until... like.... April.... which is a very long ways a way. I'm not looking forward to this. Can you tell?

Mike has been a sweetie lately.... for the most part. I love it when he does the small things.... yeah... and I've come to realize he was right about a few things. I guess that would make me wrong about a few things? Well, you win some, and you lose some. That's all I know.

Why Being A Girl Sucks

Haha, so get this. Apparantly someone did a search on "why being a girl sucks" no joke..... and my blog came up as the third link on ask jeeves! That kind of says something.... like I complain way too much maybe? Well, I thought it was hillarious. I find hillarity in small things though.

Mike is definitely pissed at me right now.... just hung up on me, actually. This isn't a behavior that is surprising t hough. He seems to think hanging up makes arguments go away.... or sends some kind of message across. Anyway, I'm an internet whore..... who knew? I have naked pics online.... who knew? He never understood them anyways. Self-expression is something I don't think he'll ever get... not that he doesn't..... just in different ways. The communication of the body in art tells so much. A nude shows openess... it shows the body as a celebrated object.... not shunned. So it gives guys the wrong opinion..... who cares? I know it touches the artistic soul.... and if the uncontrollingly perverted guys can't contain themselves, I don't have to deal w/ them. Seriously, like the view.... or d on't..... but please..... keep your hard ons and your anger fits to yourself.... It's just pic. Don't think that it's anything more.

"my space"

I finally got a my space.... I don't know why. Same old stuff..... BUT I'm going to be posting my work schedule on there for you, ice cream man. :P So you can't lose the paper, haha.

Life has been life. Lots of ups lots of downs. I'm just waiting for my man to come visit me for a bit tonight... so that my mother can bitch at him to leave. It will be fun. I can't wait to see him. :)

So this didn't work last

So this didn't work last time, but i can apparently post from my phone when i get this all set up.

So it definitely took a good 5 minutes for this page to load so I could p ost this. That was really annoying.
I'm having a bad night, and I right now I can't do anything to fix it.... Whatsoever.
I'm going too have to pillow my head tonight with feelings of guilt and worthlessness.
Sounds Uplifting, huh?
It's like... Lately I've had someone I could talk to about anything.. So I haven't had to get online and post things. But I can't talk to him tonight..... He's too busy. My fault entirely.
We were talking today about our future and everything and... I said something along the lines of me not wanting anyone or anything holding me back from moving forward in my life. I don't know what I said... I was relaxed and just feeling open enough to tell him what's really been on my mind. I mean.... I hate where I am in my life right now. It's been like this for the longest time. I just.... I know I'm not old at all.... But it feels like I'm too old to be started college.... Especially for a degree that I'm going to have to go for 6-8 years..... And I've been asking myself ever since mike a nd I started dating where he would fit into this. I mean... I just don't know where I'm going to be able to go and I don't want to dig myself into a hole. If my parents are going to pay for me.... Which I'm trying to talk myself into being humble enough to ask.... b/c I know what the answer is already.... It's not like they are going to approve of me moving to Florida and living with my boyfriend and going to school there.. I like..... Decided on the end and I just don't know how to get there. I don't want to go through this night with out mike.... Much less, being away f rom him while I'm at school. I've done the long distance relationship thing.... And I'm not saying that it wouldn't work....I'm saying I don't want to put myself through that. I don't know what I'm saying... My thoughts are never clear anymore. I try to describe things to people and I stutter and just can't recall. Like I've been a druggie for the past 10 years or something. It's sad really.... Anyways.... I'm tired of trying to figure out hat I'm thinking right now.
All I know is I wish mike were here so we could talk things out.
Nothing else really matters to me right now.

Tired, depressed, psyched out, and lonely : very complainsive

I haven't posted for a month and a half almost. Just to update you mike is either cheating on me or utterly hates me, I think I could be pregnant, and i'm sinking into a pit of depression. All I do is work... oversleep..... work.... oversleep. All my energy is gone and there is absolutely no part of the day that makes me happy. The one or two times I get to see mike throughout the week are preceeded by arguing, consist of arguing, and are followed by arguing. I'm just plain scared. Scared of being pregnant... terrified that mike has turned into one of those guys that old ppl always warn you about.... and you just say, okay.... yeah, I know. The kind of guy who screws you and then leaves you. Leaves you with the responsibility of his child. I know I'm going overboard.... I haven't even missed my period yet. It just is the worse feeling in the world to not feel supported by the one who loves you, or at least t hat's what he used to t ell me. I'm just depressed tonight. I don't know if you can tell. I have myself psyched out, and I'm lonely. Oh well, I had today off. It was okay. I caught up on about half the laundry I need to get done.... and cleaned out my car, which was growing odd substances. I went to a wedding, stayed at the reception forever and then came home.... I haven't done anything b ut sit on the couch. I just watched a movie with my sis and bro in law who are in town for the weekend. It was nice to be off.... but then again, I feel like it was a w asted day. The point of having a day off is to spend it with mike or to go out.... or to get things accomplished.... not just half way. I guess I'm going to bed. Tommorow is just another ordinary day. church work church sleep. I probably won't have time to post for a w hile again.

Talk about being bored.... you probably can't even see the flower b/c I went a little crazy with all the editting, hehe

Unquenchable Goals

Desire has indestructible permeance. Desire is inextinguishable
-- Jacques Lacan

There is something fundamentally insatiable about being human, as though we come into the world with ome kind of built-in tension between the experience of being hungry, which is a condition of striving and yearning, and the experience of being fed, which may offer temporary satisfaction but always gives way to new strivings, new yearnings. Once satisfied, the goal always tends to lead to another goal, and then another and another.

And the thoughts return

Last night, I found myself wanting something I haven't wanted in quite a while... to be light headed. To be able to wake up this morning nauseated. To have a completely empty stomache so that the gnawing feels good. To have it feel like the cool wind in a runner's face, reassuring me that I am moving forward. That my mind (instead of body) is trained. Not only did I want the hunger headaches and weakness, but also the control and strength. They all factor into the content woman I want to become -- broken free from compulsion and desire, settling for one extreme rather than the other. Undereating instead of overeating. That is what, before all the attention and analyzing, I instinctively did. Why overlavish myself for all the world to see when any one can do that. If I have to be fat or thin, why not choose the more challenging path? I know I can do both, but lately I haven't been strict. I can't just break my diet and eat the breadticks with my salad, and order the fattening pasta, and then when they are passing around the dessert dishes, take bite after bite, unlike the women to the left and right of me who passed on. I have to do all or none. I have to overstuff or undersatisfy. I'm more happy when I don't have to live with the regret of the half pound I gained. The scale generally determines my mood for the day. Today it says I lost three and a half pounds, but I can't be too happy.... I need to figure out how to double t hat.... lose 7 pounds today. I don't know what brought on all this. Whether it's b/c its getting warm and almost bathing suit weather. I'm way to fat to be wearing a bikini..... or maybe b/c my parents are dieting and me eating while they restrict just seems unnatural. I don't know.... it could be a number of things.... Just time for me to get on with my day.

How often do you find a webpage that describes what you are thinking exactly?

..... weird

I feel like shit, and my dad is driving me insane. I'm sick of arguing with them. I can not wait until they leave in the morning. I will have the house to myself until Sunday of next week. Or.... hopefully not to myself.... but parent-free... hehe

"kind of poorly, kind of not"

Um, so tuesday went kind of poorly, kind of not. The actual day itself... sucked... b/c I spent from 9am-8pm scared/bored, and then after 8 just plain pissed out that they wouldn't let me out of the fucking jail that they had put me in after my case. I was supposed to get out at 8. You just don't realize how much every second extra seems like an eternity. It's worse then when you are supposed to get off work and can't gt out on time.... Eh, I'm too tired to tell you all my adventures... basically, mike was a sweetheart during it all. He took care of telling my parents, driving my car home and then picked me up and took mme out to eat afterwards. Tuesday, my day off, was spent in jail.... so I'm still exhausted and I think I"mm going to bed very soon, but I might be able to write more.... since I have a "restricted" license.... I work a lot... but work is the only place I can drive too... so I have a feeling I'm mgoing to be home a lot more.

Energized? what's that...

I'mm pretty sure I haven't had but one day off in the past 3 weeks... The only day I have off this week is tuesday.... court day.... I'm so scared.... I haven't even talked to my lawyer about the case... like, at all. Whoops. I have so much shit to get done tommorow. It sucks. Everything just kinda sucks right now. I just need a vacation. I wish I were going with my parents to see my sister in pensacola... although I will enjoy the time I get here without them.... I know I'll be working constantly. It's not just that I work every day.... it seems like I work all day most days.... its just.... grrrr.... and then there's the factor that mike and I keep having arguments. It's stressful b/c I want to be with him... but it always seems like there isn't a thing I can do to stop our arguments. A girlfriend she able to stop those.... I just can't rationalize a lot. Like, why be jealous when I am talking to one of my girlfriends about a middle school crush? It's just.... argh, I don't know. Somedays, I feel like all I am to him is a comparison. Not an actual person, just a jan doe... that fits the profile... fits a profile of someone I'm not. I think I'm getting to confusing and talking way to deep into this. I'm just sad, basically. Sad that I can't keep him happy and sad that I don't know how to get over this trust issue. If there were boundries it would be understandable.... but how can I keep the boundries that he doesn't? If he's going to talk about his past, I amm too; and I think that is a completely healthy thing... ~sigh~ I'm going to go shower now... didn't have the energy to get up this morning and do that.

Flower Shop = Dangerous Job?... haha

I'm apparantly a bad luck charm. Two people from work have had to go to the hospital b/c of something they did while I was standing near by. One sliced her hand on a piece of glass and the other fell 10 ft down a ladder. Yeah, I've been warning everyone to stay away from me.
This week is crazy... 60 some hours... and I'd like to talk to the person that decided it would b funny to make mme have my period this week, as if I'm not stressed. Yeah, it made me really sick last night. I don't think I've ever vomitted when I had my period. It was weird... it's also weird that my side hurts like it did when I had an ovarian cyst... that's never happened before either. I don't know what's going on....
I'm pretty much not getting to see my sweetie at all this week. It sucks. Wednesday I worked 7:30-6:45 at Ukrop's and then went straight to church. Um, today I worked 8:30-1 at Vs then 1:30-9:15 at Ukrop's. Tommorow I'm working 7:30-4 then 5-10:30 (or later...), and then saturday 8-4:30 then 6-10:30 (or later...) at Vs. So.... yeah, busy lil girl.... maybe I'll get to see mike between some of those shifts :) .... On sunday, I'm working in between going to morning and evening church... and then on Vday I'm mworking 12:10. I'm just like... I'm going to need a vacation after all this.... and sadly, I'm not even going to have all the money I need... ~sigh~
I think I'm done bitching now.... I feel a little better.....

Life Doesn't Always Go On...

It's been a while since I've posted.

My grandfather passed away a few days before the new year.
I got a speeding ticket for 91/65.
I have to pay for a lawyer.
I helped pay for damages to my car during the snow/ice storm.
I'm broke.

Um, mike....if my tagboard weren't fucked up... I would reply, but I don't know what you posted...... I love you. :)