I want this to be my profile pic... and its not working... gr.. trying again

aaaah, I'm hungry still

End of day three is no better... night time is the worst. I'm always hungry at night. It's so horrible. Um, my day was okay today. I had to go to a floral design class... it was fun. I learned a lot, but had a confidence boost b/c some of the people there knew nothing. Then I worked tonight... really hard... I don't wanna talk about it... but yeah, I blacked out twice. I'm good... tis all good... just had to move too many heavy things too fast and yeah... got all dizzy and shit. I got my job done though, on time for once! YAY... I'm tired now... just gonna chill and try to avoid wanting food.

Day 3

okay, so let me kind of recap. The day before yesterday (Tuesday), I was driving on my way to work... and we've been having lots of rain lately... non stop, really. I was driving along the rode... hit a lot of water, hydroplaned, and made a complet donut in the middle of the road. I can't believe I didn't hurt anyone! Its so wierd.. amazing... that no one was around b/c its a pretty busy road. I just know to drive slower over puddles now. :)
Yesterday morning I woke up to the smell of fresh baked cookies and an empty stomache. It was such a vile smell  knowing that I couldn't/wouldn't eat anything.  I walk to the kitchen... pour a glass of juice... reflect... ah, it was a day. Nothing special. I had the day off and am still not feeling well (cramps, boo). I just relaxed, did a few errands.... mostly sat on my ass in front ofthe computer... and then went to church. This morning... I woke up, still w/ hunger pains.... but I don't feel light headed, yay! Tommorow I hope will be easier.

What Is Grieving really?

  I hardly go to funerals, but when I do... I always feel so out of place. Everyone is weepy or have that blank stare on there face. I just don't understand it. Thinking back to people that i have lost, I can't say I've openly cried about them. Somberness only comes out of respect. The actual act of grieving I don't think I'll ever understand. They say everyone grieves in their own way.... and so I tried to think, well, what is my way? I mean, I know I write when I'm upset... and I can think of things I wrote when certain people passed away... but how can that be a form of grieving? Writing is what I do when I'm feeling sorry for myself... writing is what I do when I don't want to talk to anyone but my paper... I don't know, maybe that is my way... My way to cope? All I know is whenever I hear bad news like I heard yesterday.... all I want to do is pick up a pen and keep to myself.
  Yesterday, two teenagers lost their father. He was working, crossing a street or on the street's side, and a truck ran him over. I'm not quite sure how it feels to lose a parent, especially at that age... although I do have a close friend who does. I remember holding her and my friends at the funeral. I remember how she had said that she didnt' want anyone to dress drab for her funeral. How different is this situation though? I mean,  so unexpected... It makes everyone reflect on how much to value life. How "life is but a vapor that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." Your prayers would be appreciated for the family... the mother passed away a few years ago, and now the father.

Day 1 of Fast

So I am officially starting my juice fast this morning. I was supposed to start like three weeks ago... but I didn't. Anyways, I'm starting today. I bought pineapple juice and passion fruit apple carrot juice b/c I don't have a juicer. :( If this fast is successful I will have to go buy me one. IF I can find one under $100. The one I want is like $250. Oh well... we'll see
Today was supposed to be a good day for me. I was supposed to get a lot done.... but I'm on my period and cranky. I'm pretty much using it as an excuse to not get all the things done I need to.  Oh well, tommorow is another day. I'll do it tommorow.

I think I've become horrible about posting often

So I found out that the two guys I talk about on here come and look at this sight... funny how that's like really embarrassing. hey boys, why don't you post on here? :P haha, don't be shy! oh well.... no drama today... just a story
This is a technique the Eskimos use to massively hunt wolves. They take a knife and kill one drenching the knife w/ the wolf's blood and then freezing it on. Once the blood freezes on, they dip it again and freeze. They do this repeatedly until the knife has a nice thick coating of blood, and then they sit it out in the middle of a field where they are having problems w/ lots of wolves. The wolves will smell that blood and find it. Desiring flesh, they lick the blood off the knife...  As it melts and they taste the blood in their mouth, it makes them want more and more.  They lick all the cold blood off and then they start to taste warm blood, not realizing it is their own. They lick and lick until they can't anymore. Soon, they can be found.... not far from the knife with bloody mouths and lifeless bodies.
Isn't sad how our addiction sins: lust, greed, and jealously can do the same to us. We dont' always realize what we are doing to ourselves.  I guess the main thing to remember... everything in moderation. Gluttonous desires destroy a person.

Aw, its joey! Hehe, I hope he doesn't mind I posted this pic.... sssssshhhh, don't tell him. I was gonna take a pic of the both of us.... but my cam fell and broke.... now it won't work w/ just batteries. gr

I miss joey. He left this morning around 12. We had an interesting morning.... his car wouldn't start gr. Anyways, yeah, the past week went by really fast; but I"m still confused. Everything felt so right... but was that b/c he's here physically? We'll see what happens. I just want to hold him right now.

confused.... argh....

eh, I've had a good past few weeks..... new guy in the scene... he's wonderful. Of course, scott has to come back into the picture to complicate things. I want to be w/ him so badly....
Parents are out of town! yay! Joey is coming in town... sadly, he doesn't live here... joey.... the newguy.... I'm so grrrr I don't know what I want anymore