So it definitely took a good 5 minutes for this page to load so I could p ost this. That was really annoying.
I'm having a bad night, and I right now I can't do anything to fix it.... Whatsoever.
I'm going too have to pillow my head tonight with feelings of guilt and worthlessness.
Sounds Uplifting, huh?
It's like... Lately I've had someone I could talk to about anything.. So I haven't had to get online and post things. But I can't talk to him tonight..... He's too busy. My fault entirely.
We were talking today about our future and everything and... I said something along the lines of me not wanting anyone or anything holding me back from moving forward in my life. I don't know what I said... I was relaxed and just feeling open enough to tell him what's really been on my mind. I mean.... I hate where I am in my life right now. It's been like this for the longest time. I just.... I know I'm not old at all.... But it feels like I'm too old to be started college.... Especially for a degree that I'm going to have to go for 6-8 years..... And I've been asking myself ever since mike a nd I started dating where he would fit into this. I mean... I just don't know where I'm going to be able to go and I don't want to dig myself into a hole. If my parents are going to pay for me.... Which I'm trying to talk myself into being humble enough to ask.... b/c I know what the answer is already.... It's not like they are going to approve of me moving to Florida and living with my boyfriend and going to school there.. I like..... Decided on the end and I just don't know how to get there. I don't want to go through this night with out mike.... Much less, being away f rom him while I'm at school. I've done the long distance relationship thing.... And I'm not saying that it wouldn't work....I'm saying I don't want to put myself through that. I don't know what I'm saying... My thoughts are never clear anymore. I try to describe things to people and I stutter and just can't recall. Like I've been a druggie for the past 10 years or something. It's sad really.... Anyways.... I'm tired of trying to figure out hat I'm thinking right now.
All I know is I wish mike were here so we could talk things out.
Nothing else really matters to me right now.