I want...

I want a man to stand beside me, not in front or behind me.


I also wouldn't mind an excuse to make and eat some more bbq ranch sauce. mmm

~steff

winter winter, go away, and take this cold with you

Well, things have been happening so I figured I would update. I went to court for my speeding ticket and pled guilty with a request for driving school. Judge said no, and I paid the fine. As for the other ticket, I went to court on thursday for that; and I was a bundle of nerves. I had psyched myself into thinking that I was in fact going to jail. A few hours before, I decided I MUST have a lawyer, because I wanted to do everything possible to make sure this didn't go onto my record as reckless driving. I got to court (my daddy took me) and was so blessed to have a judge that was very fair, and very kind. I know this happened because I had so many ppl praying and thinking about me. Thanks if you were one!!! It didn't matter though, I asked for a continuance, because my nerves were still shot. I can't go to jail for this, so the judge said. I'm relieved about that, but nervous about my new upcoming court date. I hope all those people pray for me again!!!! :) I know I should have just let mr. happy judge make his ruling for me, because he reduced every single case in front of me.
After court, I went and test drove some cars. I wouldn't have picked it on my own, but I decided to also test drive an '07 dark green pontiac g6 gt and fell in love with it. So once all the paperwork was done the next day, it was all mine! Well, mine and the banks! At least I had a good amount of downpayment to put down. I'm going to have to re-adjust paying a car payment again... and my high insurance rate. Too bad she has already gotten her first ticket from Saturday night. Apparantly I parked in a tow-away zone, even though I read the sign. I will have to investigate on this one.
So today started my manager's first day at the store where she is filling in for the next 5 weeks. I will be the "fill-in" manager for the next five weeks at mechanicsville which basically means I get a little thing on my paycheck that says "fill in pay $25." I know I should be excited about this, but it really irritates me. I feel like I've been begging for management and proving myself over and over again and I'm still getting paid the same. I want more money. bottom line. I don't care about having another "step up" in the company, or more experience under my belt. I've already done fill-in before. No, not throught a holiday, but that just makes it even more irritating. I'm supposed to run a shop on not even fully staffed team. I was just about to apply for a second job (prolly going back to vicky's) so that I can have some money for christmas and upcoming events.... but this situation kinda binds me to not being able to work anything but sunday's... and a few other shifts here and there. Mostly, I have to be flexible for Ukrop's because I'm the only one available all (or even most) of the time. I think I will pursue this anyways. I'm at the beginning stages of a cold that I've been trying to fight off like mad. I hope I can get rid of it and go apply for that job this week.
Love life has kinda been put on a back burner. I know whatever is meant to be will happen, and I'm just trying to concentrate more important things now. HAHA, like how I wanna get ready and go out right now. So I'll write more later!

the reasons i was scared

I blogged this before james and I started dating :

When I look back at every "relationship," I've been in all I can think of
are the bad times.

I remember fighting every day...
I remember being a complete bitch.
I hated myself more than I hated him.
I felt restricted... possessed... and obligated.

check, check, check, and check.

:(