Ah, First day in a while I've gotten to sleep in. I think I was supposed to do something this morning, but it suddenly doesn't matter. I slept in till 10. I'm gonna go shower in a bit and get ready to do whatever I need to get done today. I was supposed to go to a VMI football game w/ one of my friends, but I really don't feel like being all rushed and everything. I'm "on call" at victoria's secret from 3-7, meaning I won't know if I have to work until 2. I hate that! How am I supposed to plan my day if I don't know if I have to work? grrrr. Anyways! Um, Life is actually good. I'm just trying to not let anything of my past rule over me right now. I think I'm mdoing a good job. Not that I haven't had any down minutes in the past week, but... facing them.... writing or just plain crying, has helped me overcome them. Well, my posts haven't been all that interesting lately.... I've just not been depressed or bored.... so... yeah, here I am. With basically nothing to say! Hehe, I'll post later I guess.
25.9.04
20.9.04
ah, its fun to be busy
wow, I have a lot I want to say... but um, negative 5 minutes to say it. I've been keeping busy as shit lately. It's been nice. I gotta run to work now though. Justdidn't want anything to think I was dead. hehe, I'll post next time I have a down day.... which might be friday morning.... unless I make plans... hehe, tootles
11.9.04
Its been a while
Ah, I've been so busy lately. It's been great though. I started my job at victoria's secret last monday while still working at the florist at ukrops. So my schedule has been becoming kind of hectic. I doubt I will be online the week of valentine's day at all... unless its to get online and talk about how fucking tired I am! hehe
I started dating sommeone.... If you had asked me last sunday I wouldn't of called it dating.... but yeah, we are! I don't really wanna babble about him on here... well, I do; but I won't.
Um, I decided not to go visit my ex on his birthday like I told him I could. He's just been an ass lately, and I'm sick of dealing w/ it. I've been staying so busy which has kept my mind off of him.
Um, I went to court yesterday and had my speeding ticket dropped on the account that I'll go to driving school which doens't sound like much fun.... but that's okay. I'm happy! I'm glad the police officer told the judge that I was polite, b/c I honestly don't think I was all that polite to him.
So yeah, that's what's going on of substance. Today I'm going to an volleyball activity at church... I mmight ask mike to go. He still hasn't woken up and its like... um.... 5 till 12. Well, I'm gonna go make my veggie dish for the get together.
I started dating sommeone.... If you had asked me last sunday I wouldn't of called it dating.... but yeah, we are! I don't really wanna babble about him on here... well, I do; but I won't.
Um, I decided not to go visit my ex on his birthday like I told him I could. He's just been an ass lately, and I'm sick of dealing w/ it. I've been staying so busy which has kept my mind off of him.
Um, I went to court yesterday and had my speeding ticket dropped on the account that I'll go to driving school which doens't sound like much fun.... but that's okay. I'm happy! I'm glad the police officer told the judge that I was polite, b/c I honestly don't think I was all that polite to him.
So yeah, that's what's going on of substance. Today I'm going to an volleyball activity at church... I mmight ask mike to go. He still hasn't woken up and its like... um.... 5 till 12. Well, I'm gonna go make my veggie dish for the get together.
3.9.04
2.9.04
Another shitty day.... another shitty dollar
I worked open to close today. I'm tired. Sick of work... on a brighter note I'm off tommorow. I hate working the entired day by myself.... its so lonely and.... long.... and.... ug, tiresome. I had to get so much done today. Anyways, I'm whiny and stuff so I'll post later
(this was actually posted on the first.... damn blog template is fucked up... someone fix it :( )
(this was actually posted on the first.... damn blog template is fucked up... someone fix it :( )
1.9.04
I almost forgot
I will post about cutting all the fuck I want to. The only recent cuts I have right now are on my knuckles... its from saturday night. I wasn't going to post about them, but if you are going to bich about me talking about them... I fucking will.... b/c I'm fuckign rude like that. I got in an argument w/ my ex saturday night, what's new? I know a lot of you are thinking that. I was frustrated... upset.... pretty much crying liking a baby. I wanted to stop shaking on my bed... I couldn't stand being so weak. So... emotional. I dug thru my purse and found some new razor blades... I had taken them for work... no way we are going to use the whole box in the next 50 years, anyways. I precisely cut little x's on each of my knuckles. They are pretty, I think. The blood was pretty heavy for some reason.... but... the real reason I did it for... is more important than them being pretty or bleeding heavily. It made me feel numb. I stopped crying... I had control. Scott called me back and I could talk in a nice calm voice. It was.... empowering.
what I don't get is why.... a lil loss of blood is considered such a serious thing. I mean, come on, I cut myself on accident at work at least twice a week.... if you can't the lil knicks from random things.... at least 4 times a day. Anyways, the marks on my knuckles haven't healed too great b/c on sunday morning during church I was playing w/ them. I ran my nail inside the wound so that the bright blood would come gushing out again. I don't know why that was fascinating me.... but I did it too all ten knuckles.... Blood can be so pretty sometimes. It has such a deep, yet vibrant color. A color that, if were on a piece of paper w/ other colors... would be the focal point. It's beautiful how the human body stores these beautifully colored cells beneath our ugly flawed skin. Why do ppl think blood is grotesque? Is it b/c its foreign? Or is it b/c its a bodily fluid? hmmmm, I dunno. I still say its beautiful (for like the 80th time). Enough babbling... really going to bed now... maybe.
what I don't get is why.... a lil loss of blood is considered such a serious thing. I mean, come on, I cut myself on accident at work at least twice a week.... if you can't the lil knicks from random things.... at least 4 times a day. Anyways, the marks on my knuckles haven't healed too great b/c on sunday morning during church I was playing w/ them. I ran my nail inside the wound so that the bright blood would come gushing out again. I don't know why that was fascinating me.... but I did it too all ten knuckles.... Blood can be so pretty sometimes. It has such a deep, yet vibrant color. A color that, if were on a piece of paper w/ other colors... would be the focal point. It's beautiful how the human body stores these beautifully colored cells beneath our ugly flawed skin. Why do ppl think blood is grotesque? Is it b/c its foreign? Or is it b/c its a bodily fluid? hmmmm, I dunno. I still say its beautiful (for like the 80th time). Enough babbling... really going to bed now... maybe.
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