Confusion... mad,mad ramblings

Pages of incoherent babblings could be proof that there is a lot on my mind, but it is not. I feel blank. I couldn't sleep this morning when i finally got home around 5 am. I've had many moments of just staring into oblivion in the past day. Nothing there. No feeling. No thoughts. Just confusion. What I wrote, instead of sleeping, is just plain madness. I couldn't even try to make a compilation of the thoughts for a blog post. I wouldn't know where to start or end... I think I've realized that this confusion... this emptiness... is the void of which is so often profoundly spoken. Maybe I have been trying to fill my void with the wrong things. It never felt like a desperate cry to make my lacking on other aspects be lessened. I suppose that since i do not keep my feelings and thoughts to myself often, then I wouldn't keep my lack of feeling to myself either. If i take away all the "fillers" or even if I just leave them there, at the end of the day the void will be there. It will be there unless I fix it. People can trash talk me all day. They will never feel as poorly about myself as I do. It's an underlying problem too, not just some obvious dejected thought. When someone feels the need to place the feeling onto an audible concept, it makes me realize they may not be capable of my paticular complex deduction of self. Somedays i wish it wasn't even a trait i possessed. Sleep is more desireable. Moving on is more desireable, too. When the obstacles to getting what you want have nothing to do with your or the prized possession, it becomes a game of strength, no longer wit. And then I don't care if i bear strength nor wit. I wouldn't lose more sleep over the realization i am not always strong. I know i have strong points. It doesn't scare me to have my weaknesses out in the open. I'm pretty sure there is something wrong with that statement.