Things have been very downhill right now, and it seems i have no footing to climb up the mountain. Each thing that i'm upset about has a positive side though, and I am trying to use these things as a morale booster.
My grandma passed away last saturday, it doesn't seem like that was already a week ago. I know I didn't talk to her as much as I should have, but God has given me peace. She was in and out of the hospital for the past couple of years; and they told us she wouldn't make it through the night the sunday before she died. She did! I was so thankful that i got to see her that saturday...even though she wasn't able to speak to us I could see the glimmer in her eye. I am glad that she is no longer in any pain.
My sister and I had decided to go up that saturday (the 6th) to see her in the hospice house they had put her in. We left to come home on Sunday, and the next day james and I drove up for the wake and funeral the next day. The funeral was beautiful, in it's bittersweet way. James and I left late on tuesday to come home.
The ride home was okay at first, but about 30 minutes from home we got in a STUPID STUPID STUPID fight that i just was in no condition to have. I couldn't take it. I was psychotically screaming and crying like a baby back to back over and again. I don't know why he persisted. He said he was just so tired, but thinking back, it still frustrates me. I was driving home from burying my grandma just that day... and he had to persist that I shouldn't tell him what exit to take. I just don't understand.... it was so stupid. It should have been dropped before it turned to any angry words. I "slept" on the couch that night b/c I didn't want to think about the fight anymore... more like layed and cried for a few hours. Before long, it was time for my 12 hour work day. No more room for being self-centered.
Work exhausted me, but it was better than staying at home. Wednesday consisted of mostly just working. I grabbed dinner and a couple drinks with kellie after that. Thursday was no more exciting.
Then there was friday. I went into work, which i had a lot to do at laburnum (my self-serve store); since I'm the only one that works there. Also, I hadn't worked much throughout the week. My store manager wanted to talk to me, and so I went up into his office not really thinking any of it. He told me who was goin to be the new floral manager at the new store across the street, which was a position i had applied. I have been working an annoying scenario, of two stores, in hopes to increase my odds of getting it. Well, he then tells me; I don't know what we are going to do with you. I'm like, cool. I mean, he didn't say it rudely... I think he was just expecting me to become promoted even if I didn't get the position, but i wasn't. My store manager at the other store doesn't know what I'll be doing either. So, they may plan on me working both of my stores after the new one opens.... but I do not plan on doing that for long. It's a strain on me. I mean, I don't mind when the store first opens, but after that it just won't work. I'm applying for a different area of the store now, natural organic lead. If they decide to let me try out this area, I will be able to have ukrop's pay for some classes that i want to take in college.... so I'm crossing my fingers on that one. It would also work well for me to have another job in that position. I'm just irritated that I was told me running a self-serve floral department was a stepping stone up in the company, when really my title is "full time floral associate" and my pay reflects that title. Yes, I got a raise; but that was because i went from part-time to full-time. Anyways, I hope things work out on that part.
So yeah, when I got off work I went home to change. I needed to run some errands and turn in my progression form at "home" store. So after i change, james had me run up to his dealership so he could check my tire size and see if he could get me a good deal on new tires. I need 3 new tires, along w/ new brake pads, a new windshield, and new AC belt. Well, anyways, I leave there; on my way to mechanicsville. I figured I would just take laburnum all the way to mvill turnpike because it takes about the same amount of time and less gas as taking the interstate. So I'm riding down laburnum and people in front of me seem pretty brake happy for no reason i could see. I look back at the car behind me who almost hit me, and think I so need to get out this lane. Well, I didn't get the chance to do so. Just a moment later, I see the car in front of me and the car in front of him SLAM on their brakes. I'm like oh shit, brakes squealing, burning rubber... it's obvious I can not stop in time. I tried to swirve off the road, but to no avail. I hit the car in front of me, hard. Apparantly, the jolt moved him into the car in front of him. So I rear-ended two people, cool. It's all my fault. The reason everyone had slammed on their brakes was b/c there was a truck in the middle of the road that had ran out of gas. The person who TRULY caused the accident was the car behind him who didn't see the disabled truck and had to come to a sudden stop, but he just got over and went on his merry little way. The truck driver in the front didn't get any tickets, just waited for someone to bring him gas and went on his merry little way, as well. I didn't realize at first that this was even going to be pinned on me. I mean, I knew the story was that I hit them... but they had to have told the officer about the sudden stop. I know I couldn't have done anything in my power to have stopped sooner. I was already overly cautious because of the brake happiness before the impact. Yep, so I got a reckless driving ticket. Reckless... :( My car is looking pretty bad. Had to have it towed. The car in front of me's bumper came off... didn't look like too much damage otherwise. The car in front of him didn't have any damage whatsoever, but they took one of the passengers to the hospital. I'm just hoping maybe they will total my car because a) it wouldn't take me as long to buy a new car as it would for me get this one fixed b) even after they fix everything, i'm going to have to spend money on new tires and such VERY soon. So yeah, right now my car is sitting in a towing lot... and the appraiser could be there any time between tommorow and thursday. I don't have rental on my insurance (apparantly i'm not old enough for that anyways), so I'm pretty screwed... trying to figure out how i'm going to work my annoying schedule of 4 hours here, 4 hours there with people having to drive me to these places. Most of all, money was tight before this, and now i have to pay a $500 deductible and a reckless speeding ticket (the cop said the judge may show leniancey). On top of that, I have a speeding ticket (dumb 50 in 35 on bell creek) that i was planning on going to court for on the 26th. Yeah, that's gonna look great when I go to court on October 9th.
If you read this, don't ask me what's wrong when you see me. Instead an uplifting word or an offer to help would be much more what I need. Everytime I think about what's been going on, I just get more frustrated. There are more bloggable type things I will be blogging soon; but right now, this has been overwhelming enough.
1 comments:
That is a very sad story!!! I hope things get better for you! So what was the appraisal? Do you get a new car? Are things better now for you and James? I'm so sorry about your loss.
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