I hate myself.... and I mean that in the truest form of attention seeking.

The one thing that always stuck in my mind when we first met was that you noticed a hurting side of me no one else had ever seen. It was always out there for people to see, but no one wanted to admit it first to themselves and then second address me about it. You would have done anything so that I wouldn't hurt myself. You barely knew me then....
Now, you've learned so much about me and grown so close...
You know that you shouldn't leave me in a house by myself when I'm this upset.
You know that I didn't want you to leave. You told me that.
I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing here.
I tell myself day after day t hat I've recovered.... but what form of recovery can only exist when others are around?
I guess I'll be sleeping in my car outside your house again.... I just can't stay here.
Too many angry thoughts cover this house.
I just wanted to be close to you tonight.... but then again, I wanted it to be exactly what I had in mind.
We're both stubborn. Difference is, I'm psychotic.
Now I realize it didn't HAVE to be my way.
I just wanted it to be my way for once.... for one time.
No one can or has ever made me so mad that I threw a foot rest (saying foot rest b/c I have no fucking clue how to spell what its really called, haha).
I don't think anyone has made me so mad that I couldn't contain myself. Maybe my father... but no, I think I've always felt in control of those arguments.
Right now, I just don't know what to do.
Maybe you'll peek out your window at me.... I hope it doesn't get down to freezing tonight.... this is going to suck.

Bitter Blood -- Recipe of Ruin