Pity Party

Out of all the evanescence fans, which is a large portion of Americans, I wonder how many can relate to these lyrics. Literally, personally, emotionally, the song linked is like... Everything I'm feeling right now. The tears, the blood, the decieving, the screams... where has it gotten me? I return to my same thought process and my same emotions. I spend my days pining oveer a life that I can only wish for. Pining for the easy way. What was so hard for me in the past... seems like the easiest way now. Why did I have to be so immature then? Too immature to deal w/ what was going on. Why do I have to be so immature now? Too immature to deal w/ what is going on. It's like my life is one step ahead of me. Once the opportunities I'm not taking now disappear, I know that I will be able to deal w/ them. Too late... fuck that... You live You learn.. and then you fucking hate yourself. You hate your weakness. Your incapabilties. Your lack of mmotivation.
To avoid dealing w/ the problems at hand, I make other problems. Ones that I can have control over, but I don't want them to go away until its safe. Until its safe for me to not have to deal with reality. And why should I have to? Why should I have to deal with shit? Somedays I wonder where I would be right now if I had become a people pleaser. I probably would be better off. I'm taking the hard road now though.... Its my path of choice... I just need a kick in the ass to get moving sometimes