The reasons I know I'm scared.

When I look back at every "relationship," I've been in all I can think of are the bad times.

I remember fighting every day...

I remember being a complete bitch.

I hated myself more than I hated him.

I felt restricted... possessed... and obligated.

I guess I could sit here and slander every relationship I've ever had with someone, but that's not really what is on my mind right now. I've always fought to be single because it's so less complicated. You don't have anyone else to worry about but yourself... but what happens when you can't help but to think about someone else, regardless of being "with them." I mean, can I really fight this so much longer?

It's quite obvious who I'm talking about... but in case you're out of the loop... I'll go ahead and explain.

Jen (best friend) tried to set me and james up like... 3 or 4.... is still don't know... years ago. I was in one of those I-don't-want-a-relationship stages of my life. Nothing ever came of it and he moved to fucking PA. We started talking a lot in the past 3 months and the first weekend of this month I went to visit him... it was great. I feel so content when I'm around him. We planned for him to come see me on my birthday... but my birthday is on September 17th and I've already seen him twice since then... he's even planning on coming this weekend too. One time he came down and once we met in the middle... isn't that adorable? We talk all the time... pretty much all day through texts... and fall asleep on the phone most nights. I'm just so freaking happy.. I don't want to lose this... and that is why I'm so scared.