You're Not The First

You're not the first to do this to me.
You're not the first to make me feeel this way.
You're not the first to make me sob.
Not the first to make me agonize.
You're not the first to hang up on me.
You're not the first to stand me up.
You're not the first to disappoint me.
Not the first to leave me.
You're not the first to use me.
You're not the first to cheat on me.
You're not the first to seduce me.
Not the first to bruise me.
You're not the first that has made me feel this way.
Not the first to make me want to hurt myself.
You're not the first to cry for me.
Not the first to deceive me.
You're not the first one I felt I couldn't live without.
Not the first "love of my life."

Maybe you were a lot of my firsts.
Maybe I'm soon to make the biggest mistake I've made.
Maybe I shouldn't post this.....
But all that with in me keeps going back to this one thought.

You weren't my first of all.

And although you just called me to wish a good day... while I was looking at my last entered text... I don't feel any happier. I don't feel complete. I'm just sitting crying, after pretending everything is okay.

I don't think you understand. You're losing me day by day. It's not just b/c you're not my first...

It's also because this isn't the first t ime.

This isn't the first time you made me feel like this.
And this isn't the first time you've made me agonize...

I'm sorry I'm numb, and I'm sorry I seem hollow.
I just really can't take this any longer.
All the pain, scrutiny, expectations.

I'm numb b/c I c an't stop thinking.
Are things ever going to change?

So go ahead and threaten me again. Tell me you're going to l eave me. You won't hear crying. You won't hear a fight. I've been drained of all that.

I'm just an empty person.