I have the offer to move to the state I've always wanted to live in. Mind you, this isn't the first or second time, but third. If the opportunity has popped up that many times... why haven't I taken advantage of it before? I think I considered both times.... and now, I really want to go! I want to get away from here. I'm sick of everything restricting me here. As I've used the analogy before of a goldfish not developing to its fullest potential b/c it is confined to a small bowl, now I can't think of anything better then to break free from this place. And its not just about being anywhere but here. It's about being with someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I can only imagine true happiness with him. No, I haven't made my decision. You should know me better than that. I'm just *sigh* trying to point out that I'm an idiot if I don't do this... and then keep complaining about my present life. It's like this corny joke I hear all the time at my church.
"A man was in his house during a bad storm and the area was starting to flood. As the waters started to rise, he had to go to the second story of his house. He started praying earnestly that the Lord would rescue him. Two men in a rescue boat come by and tell him to get in, they will take him to safety. He replies, 'No thanks. My God will deliver me.' The waters continue to rise and he is forced to climb ontop his roof. A second boat comes by, and the same conversation takes place. Then men couldn't convince him to get on board. When the waters start to touch his feet, he is still praying that Lord will miraculously save his life. A helicopter hovers by and tells him, this is your last chance; you have to get on. The man still replies, 'No. I'm waiting on God to save me.' Of course, the man drowns to death." How idiotic. The joke continues on to say that the man goes to heaven, and asks God, "why didn't you save me?" God's reply is, "I sent you two boats and and a helicopter."
Okay, go ahead insert fake laugh here. But seriously... I think not only in my Christian walk, but also in my life decisions, I ignore the obvious good choices; only because I want things to be more complicated. Or something like that.... Everything has its purpose, and everything works for good.... So I'm not going to let people terrify me of making decisions because they might be the wrong ones. So what? I don't care which decision is right or wrong. I don't want to have to stress or worry over something like that. After all, no one really knows what will happen.
My dad thinks he does though. That is, know what will happen. He told me last night that he knows I'm going to get in some big trouble and he is going to have to bail me out. He is convinced that the way "I'm heading" is going to lead to destruction... whatever that means. I argued w/ my father for around an hour last night. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible. I came home from hanging out w/ mike... actually on time.... and sit down to talk to my mother. My dad is watching something on CNN about the presidential debate, which I'm sure he watched every bit of. Mom makes some statement about how my dad had said that we should all go vote together.... then making sojme joke about showing me who to vote for. I'm just like... ha, I'll have to try to clear my schedule. My father seemed to miss the joking part of that... He mumbles something about how he and my mother aren't important enough to make time for... Then he asks me if I even know who is running.
He was just trying to set me off, but I was calm. "
Yes, dad." Then he says... "well, do you even know what the issues are?"
"Yes, dad"
"So what is your opinion on them"
"I don't really feel like having a heated discussion with you right now. Not about politics. I will keep my opinion to myself."
He mumbles something and walks out of the room to get some ice water. My mom whispers to me, "He's just upset about how the debate went." Ugggg, so take it out on your daughter? As soon as he walked back in the room he started yelling at me. Screaming. It went from subject to subject in a blur. Mostly centered around the fact that I never talk to him. I try to explain to him that he's never home, and that I talk to my mother plenty. So then he starts getting on her case... Asking her questions... what does she know about mike... blah blah... he sits down for a while, asking me things about mike and then getting upset after every answer.... "how old is he?" "23" "WELL, I didn't know that. It's pretty disturbing that I have to find out things about you from other people. Strangers know my own daughter better than me." The subjects drifted from my consideration of college he didn't know about... to me "treating my house like a hotel"... to not coming home by my 10:30 curfew... apparantly I don't try or care. This is getting me upset... why did you guys let me rant so much? Haha, I guess you could stop me... I'm gonna go cool down now.